What's in a type

I love hydrangeas so much. I admire people who have managed to grow these majestically beautiful flowers. I have attempted to grow them myself, on several occasions. You see, growing up, getting flowers I love, was never a challenge. I'd simply grab a head or two of the drying flower, sprinkle the seeds on a flower bed, water, and voila! Seedlings would pop up in a couple of weeks. Not hydrangeas! 

These flowers humbled me! I started with what I know; having asked someone who had them growing in their garden. They assured me, the dried flower would do it. Months later, the soil had not cracked with an emerging seedling. I proceeded to buy a beautiful potted, already flowering plant and transferred it to the ground, only to sadly watch it die slowly.

I still hope to crack the code on the these magnificent flowers, so I am not giving up. I hit the internet to find out more; and to my shock and horror at first glance the reason for my lack of success struck me before I could even reach the second paragraph of the article on gardenandhome.co.za. One of the first requirements is to plant hydrangeas in the shade, away from the heat of the sun!

Lack of this basic knowledge, among others, really let to my failure! I thought this particular flower is difficult to grow, but, I was growing it under the wrong conditions. In fact, the conditions I created, out right killed it.

Come think of it, we often make the same mistake with relationships. We want the flowers that come with a well cultivated and blooming relationship, but not the work that comes with it. We don't even care to find out if we have conducive conditions to get the best out of the people we are attracted to, or the conditions to kill their spirit while we watch. The only way to find out is to ask the right questions. 

You can be attracted to the most beautiful person and really want to be with them because you believe, you'd look good together, however, have you stopped to ask, what makes them look good on their own? Are going to enhance or diminish or even kill their "beauty"? 

@ExclusivJ put together a resource for intentional talking stages. Questions to ask yourself and questions to ask a potential mate to check compatibility. Here's the link for Questions to ask to get to know someone.

I'll be happy to hear from you in the comments section or to see you on my Khomotso Maele Facebook page. Please like and follow.

Boundaries without lines.

 

This afternoon, on our drive home I had a very interesting conversation with my daughter. I have asked her for permission to share some aspects of that conversation and she is happy with that. This conversation had me going back to the thoughts on my garden. In recent months, I have not had much time to devote to my garden patch that is currently growing sweet potatoes. I am happy that something is growing there, even though it's not per my original plan. You see, I never deliberately set out to plant sweet potatoes. A friend of mine offered me a couple of already germinating roots and merely suggested that I should plant them seeing that I'm into "growing things". I didn't give it much thought. I simply got home and mindlessly dug them in. A few months later. My little patch was completely covered with the growing and thriving sweet potato plants. This now got my attention. I began to wonder how I'd know when they were ready for harvest and what that would entail. I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of sweet potato we dug up and even more so, I was blown away by the sheer size of the bulbs that came out of the ground. 

I've been contemplating the next harvest and I suspect it will be bigger than the first one. I am not a big fan of sweet potatoes. It has never really broken my heart to pay for a kilogram or 2. Spinach, tomatoes and rocket leaves however, that's another story. I cannot even describe the joy I get from simply making a turn at the back before I prepare a meal. How did we get here? My thoughtless lack of boundaries in the choice and intention of my gardening endeavors brought me here. In our conversation today, my daughter described how two things made her unhappy and enabled a toxic environment in one of her relationships. I stood and was in awe of how self aware she is, as she described her own contribution to the situation which led to a confrontation. She stated how her lack of communication of her own needs and of boundaries allowed the relationship to take the course it had taken. This caused both her and a friend pain and anxiety. She had allowed the relationship to take a specific trajectory at the expense of her emotional wellbeing, compromising her truth and authenticity with the friend. She "sowed" a different version of herself into the friendship and did not find fulfillment in that because, we can't be fulfilled in the character that is not truly ours. You see, she, like me, cultivated sweet potatoes at the expense of what she had envisioned for her life at school. 

What struck me about this nugget of wisdom is this. It may appear as if implementing boundaries is difficult and uncomfortable, however, dealing with the aftermath is much more painful. In order to reclaim my garden patch as ground for growing pride and joy in the form of spinach, green peppers and carrots; I have to put in a lot more work. The process of reclaiming the ground for my intended purpose, is not going to be fun nor easy. It's going to hurt the current and future sweet potatoes and it's going to take more effort than it did to establish the garden patch. 

My book, The Treasure Trove of Singleness deals with similar struggles of lack of boundaries in the quest to secure marriage at any cost. The Ebook is available on Google Books:The Treasure Trove of Singleness by Khomotso Maele - Books on Google Play and on Amazon on this link:The Treasure Trove of Singleness - Kindle edition by Maele, Khomotso, Muarakira, Caroline . Religion & Spirituality Kindle eBooks @ Amazon.com.

Failure to germinate

 

In my last blog, I spoke about my attempts at winter vegetable cultivation; which was somewhat successful. Of the number of seed variations I cultivated, the broad bean and baby spinach appear to thrive the best. I am so enthused about them and expect plentiful harvest. The cauliflower does not look identifiable at this stage. I am not even certain if it indeed is cauliflower. Time will tell. This was my first attempt at its kind of plant so I don't know what to expect. I must admit I am apprehensive about it. There are a number of pots that stand sans even a weed seedling. I think of my effort to plant the seeds in there, the amount of water, the thought of moving the pots around toward more sun and my regular inspections to check if there is life coming up. All that commitment, determination, anticipation and nothing to show for it. Can I really say that I have nothing for it, that it was a complete waste of time? You see, the empty and barren pots are not a reflection of a lack of resolve on my part. Neither do they reflect an absence of my love and passion for this particular undertaking. However, the pots with bare potting soil, are evident to my initial intention to plant vegetables, whether or not they are there. Perhaps the crops didn’t survive the harsh winter frost and or birds. This does not discount the fact that I invested a lot love and patience into this endeavor. To one, it may be a loss because it seems like I gained nothing from it, I did not get any return on my initial investment in the form of seeds, potting soils, planting pots and other items.  Similarly, in our lives we tend to focus on what does not work rather than what is, what the devil is doing rather than what God is doing. Whether it is failed relationships, an unbearable working environment, or a setback of sorts, do not focus on your unrealized expectations. Do not get lost in the maze of trying to figure out why you are not getting your way. Focus on the growing parts of you from your delay or lack of breakthrough. All of it matters, be it the seeds that germinate and the ones that don’t. Life is not just about what we achieve in it, it’s also about whom we become in that process.

Unripe for this season is not all there is to it.

At the end of April this year (2020), I decided I cultivate a selection of winter vegetables for lockdown. I normally don't plant anything in winter however, someone I follow on twitter strongly recommended that people get a lockdown garden going. Ordinarily I would have give gardening a break for the winter which I also enjoy.

Off I went to the nursery and got some seeds that included broccoli, garlic, butter beans, baby spinach and onions. I proceeded to get some compost and potting soil to plant my seeds in pots and got my winter project underway.

To my pleasant surprise, the first few weeks were considerably warm as we've grown accustomed to in recent winters. My pots of dirt became something I looked forward to tending to on a daily basis, along with my old plants. Six weeks came and some sprouts of seedlings began to break the surface of the potting soil. It's always exciting to see the beginning of something grow. I am like a child when it comes to such. I will go down on my knees and try to figure out what was in each pot by feeling them between my fingers and tasting the leaves. By this time I'd forgotten what I planted where. The seedlings would have to mature a little more for me to figure out what is what. 

Whilst I waited and anticipated to discover what I planted, to my dismay I came home one afternoon to find birds had helped themselves to my seedlings. 

I've been trying to figure out whether the lesson here is about sticking to what you know, you know what they say about own lane and all that or whether young seeds of life need to be protected. Well, I decided to go with the double pronged view of the situation, You see, I probably know more about gardening in warmer seasons than I do about winter. Furthermore, I think I failed to realise that birds have moved into my yard and how that would impact my plants. Had I known this, perhaps I would have devised means to protect my plants and tend to them a little more given the harsh winter season. 

Similarly, based on the other view on this matter brings us full cycle right back to this point; being that we need to know what is it we are trying to do in life. What is it that we need to pay attention to in order to achieve. We need to know our environment and be conscious of the changes that may or may be taking place. For example, COVID19 brought with it changes in our habits and way of life as we know it. To some it might represent winter. If that's the case, you may need to take a little extra care. You might want to protect emotions, your spirit, your body a little more. 

When winter passes, I will go back to what I know, the plants that will respond to my love and dedication by thriving. Same with you, when this season passes, you'll have a well rested you. You'll have ideas that are ripe for implementation. Perhaps an accomplishment too. If not, that's also okay. You will still have rearranged your thoughts and your beliefs and set the stage for your next move. 

Composting

 "We are all self-composting."
Author: Chuck Palahniuk

Pikitup, the municipal service in my area does not collect garden refuse. If you happen to dump it in your refuse bin, sometimes they leave the rest of your refuse. It is for this reason that whenever we get our grass cut, I would be burdened by the heaps of grass cuttings. My frustrations turned to joy when I discovered the art of composting, i.e using grassing cuttings and vegetable waste from the kitchen to create compost to fertilise the garden. Compost takes about 3 weeks to be ready for use. The process of composting got me thinking about how the soil needs the same grass and vegetables that grew from it, to be fertilised. In order to get the full benefit of the compost, it must fully decompose and loose its form and smell. Sometimes the source of compost does not even have to be from the compost heap, but from the plants themselves. Ever seen how the spinash shoots up each time you prune off the lower leaves? As people, we at times get in the way of our growth and reaching our full potential because we would rather not deal with the heaps of cuttings from our own lives. The cuttings come in the form of frustrating and difficult relationships, unfulfilling careers, past hurts and disappointments. These are guaranteed in one way on the other in the journey of life, however, they don't have to be burden. They can be a source of wisdom, strength and valuable lessons. 

 

Today, being Father's day I learned from my heap of emotions about my own fatherlessness. As such, I did not want to engage in the festivities and celebrations. I had to dig deep into my sadness and found I felt sad because when I marry, my dad will never walk me down the isle, my children will never know him, I will never be able to call him and ask for advise. I will never feel safe because he is there for me. On further reflection, I realised that my father's passing gave me an opportunity to seek wholeness and fulfillment from my relationship with God. It has made me a compassionate mom and friend. I appreciate that it has certainly made me a strong woman. My fatherlesslessness has been the greatest source of pain and emptiness but also the place I have found the best versions of me. 

Love without expertise

When I started my garden patch sometime ago, I had limited knowledge about gardening based on high school Agricultural Science lessons, an article here and there, a tv show. More than anything, I was eager to see my veggies grow and to be able to prepare meals from my garden produce. Watching a lettuce sproud up from a few leaves to full head of beautiful juicy and crispy made me so proud and eager to see my mission through. Pure instinct would kick in when ever I saw weeds begin to compete with my crop. Ironically sometimes, something would begin to grow which I did not recognize and I would have to wait for it to grow to see what it is, only to discover I had no business watering it. Similarly, child rearing is a lot like this. We dig in with limited knowledge and a few unexpected surprises along the way.  The one thing you are armed with is love and a desire to see a little person become a beautiful productive adult you can be proud of. That is Love is enough. Yes, it may mean that sometimes you will nurture the wrong thing, or discipline wrong or cause trauma and pain; if done from a place of Love then it can be fixed. 

Happy quarantine Mother's day💐💞

Introductions

"I like gardening. Its a place where I find myself when I need to lose myself "~Alice Sebold.

 

The beginning...

 

It has been a while since I've gone through a job interview where, without fail, conversation begins with an instruction to"Tell me about yourself."  This command "so to speak" normally instigates a recital of memorized achievements,  relevant characteristics and skills that align you with the said opportunity. This is easy because you know that the person you portray is the person that must secure this opportunity when it's said and done. Then, there's introductions in social settings. I really struggle with those, especially in cases where I am not familiar with the person to whom I'm introducing myself. Introducing oneself resembles peeling layers of an onion except you decide the amount of layers to be revealed. My first revelation in this case, is the name I have chosen to use, Wisdom Nuggets From my Garden. This name literally derives from thoughts and reflections I had and keep engaging in when I spend time working my vegetable patch, my favorite place to loose myself in. Ironically loosing myself has come to equate acquiring and digging up various wisdom nuggets regarding my life. It's both rewarding and satisfying although sometimes it involves intense hard work. When I first started creating my garden, it all began in my head. I had the desire to create this veggie patch, which was preceded by identification of the spot for the garden patch and finally preparation. Initial preparation was the most gruesome, with the ground being tough and dry. My motivation stemmed from knowing that it can be done. I knew that with a little perseverance, I will realise my goal and I did. The dry corner in my yard became more than just a part of a small yard with termites and dry patches. It became the garden. My garden. I aim to share my wisdom nuggets learnt from watching my garden, tending to it, discovering and sowing new plants and plucking weeds through different seasons. This is how I introduce myself here. To begin with, I was simply a lifeless dry corner that has become a fruitful garden with endless potential yet to be uncovered.

First crop...

.