What's in a type

I love hydrangeas so much. I admire people who have managed to grow these majestically beautiful flowers. I have attempted to grow them myself, on several occasions. You see, growing up, getting flowers I love, was never a challenge. I'd simply grab a head or two of the drying flower, sprinkle the seeds on a flower bed, water, and voila! Seedlings would pop up in a couple of weeks. Not hydrangeas! 

These flowers humbled me! I started with what I know; having asked someone who had them growing in their garden. They assured me, the dried flower would do it. Months later, the soil had not cracked with an emerging seedling. I proceeded to buy a beautiful potted, already flowering plant and transferred it to the ground, only to sadly watch it die slowly.

I still hope to crack the code on the these magnificent flowers, so I am not giving up. I hit the internet to find out more; and to my shock and horror at first glance the reason for my lack of success struck me before I could even reach the second paragraph of the article on gardenandhome.co.za. One of the first requirements is to plant hydrangeas in the shade, away from the heat of the sun!

Lack of this basic knowledge, among others, really let to my failure! I thought this particular flower is difficult to grow, but, I was growing it under the wrong conditions. In fact, the conditions I created, out right killed it.

Come think of it, we often make the same mistake with relationships. We want the flowers that come with a well cultivated and blooming relationship, but not the work that comes with it. We don't even care to find out if we have conducive conditions to get the best out of the people we are attracted to, or the conditions to kill their spirit while we watch. The only way to find out is to ask the right questions. 

You can be attracted to the most beautiful person and really want to be with them because you believe, you'd look good together, however, have you stopped to ask, what makes them look good on their own? Are going to enhance or diminish or even kill their "beauty"? 

@ExclusivJ put together a resource for intentional talking stages. Questions to ask yourself and questions to ask a potential mate to check compatibility. Here's the link for Questions to ask to get to know someone.

I'll be happy to hear from you in the comments section or to see you on my Khomotso Maele Facebook page. Please like and follow.

Boundaries without lines.

 

This afternoon, on our drive home I had a very interesting conversation with my daughter. I have asked her for permission to share some aspects of that conversation and she is happy with that. This conversation had me going back to the thoughts on my garden. In recent months, I have not had much time to devote to my garden patch that is currently growing sweet potatoes. I am happy that something is growing there, even though it's not per my original plan. You see, I never deliberately set out to plant sweet potatoes. A friend of mine offered me a couple of already germinating roots and merely suggested that I should plant them seeing that I'm into "growing things". I didn't give it much thought. I simply got home and mindlessly dug them in. A few months later. My little patch was completely covered with the growing and thriving sweet potato plants. This now got my attention. I began to wonder how I'd know when they were ready for harvest and what that would entail. I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of sweet potato we dug up and even more so, I was blown away by the sheer size of the bulbs that came out of the ground. 

I've been contemplating the next harvest and I suspect it will be bigger than the first one. I am not a big fan of sweet potatoes. It has never really broken my heart to pay for a kilogram or 2. Spinach, tomatoes and rocket leaves however, that's another story. I cannot even describe the joy I get from simply making a turn at the back before I prepare a meal. How did we get here? My thoughtless lack of boundaries in the choice and intention of my gardening endeavors brought me here. In our conversation today, my daughter described how two things made her unhappy and enabled a toxic environment in one of her relationships. I stood and was in awe of how self aware she is, as she described her own contribution to the situation which led to a confrontation. She stated how her lack of communication of her own needs and of boundaries allowed the relationship to take the course it had taken. This caused both her and a friend pain and anxiety. She had allowed the relationship to take a specific trajectory at the expense of her emotional wellbeing, compromising her truth and authenticity with the friend. She "sowed" a different version of herself into the friendship and did not find fulfillment in that because, we can't be fulfilled in the character that is not truly ours. You see, she, like me, cultivated sweet potatoes at the expense of what she had envisioned for her life at school. 

What struck me about this nugget of wisdom is this. It may appear as if implementing boundaries is difficult and uncomfortable, however, dealing with the aftermath is much more painful. In order to reclaim my garden patch as ground for growing pride and joy in the form of spinach, green peppers and carrots; I have to put in a lot more work. The process of reclaiming the ground for my intended purpose, is not going to be fun nor easy. It's going to hurt the current and future sweet potatoes and it's going to take more effort than it did to establish the garden patch. 

My book, The Treasure Trove of Singleness deals with similar struggles of lack of boundaries in the quest to secure marriage at any cost. The Ebook is available on Google Books:The Treasure Trove of Singleness by Khomotso Maele - Books on Google Play and on Amazon on this link:The Treasure Trove of Singleness - Kindle edition by Maele, Khomotso, Muarakira, Caroline . Religion & Spirituality Kindle eBooks @ Amazon.com.