What are you looking at?

In the middle of 2020 I needed to get a car, in the middle of a pandemic, COVID. I took to the internet;  armed with my spec for the car that would carry me and my loved ones for the next phase of life. My personal specifications included, the following non-negotiables:

• The car had to be a demo model, I didn't want to pay for the new car fragrance
• Mileage capped at a specific number
• Low risk 
• Low fuel consumption
• My monthly repayment budget was to not exceed the current budget

Armed with my short checklist, I hit a few showrooms. On these visits I was either unhappy with the service, the sheer inflation or the high prices of the cars. I could not handle the pressure of another persuasive sales person who had not closed a sale in almost a year.

I decided, to hit the show room incognito, just another person, looking for a car. The internet search flooded me with lots of options, including those outside of my requirements. Some offers would score me a bigger car if I compromised on the age or the mileage, but I was determined to get a good deal for the long run so I stood my ground and I kept looking. The more I looked there more results and the more options were presented to me. I had to come to a decision, and quick. So I decided - My car would be blue or ocean green. With that in mind I found 2 cars that matched this and I filled in the form online. The next morning I was woken up by a call from the sales person with the blue car.  The earliest bird really does catch the fattest worm. By the end of the day paperwork was exchanged I took delivery by the end of the week.

When I related this story, an acquaintance remarked that they have never heard of anyone buying a car 'sight unseen'. I also don't recommend this. Don't do this at home!

However I knew what I knew. My actions were backed up by something I did not mention in the earlier paragraphs. This was not just an isolated event in my life of just getting a car. Like any other big decision; this was a joint decision with my personal board of advisors. What you do not know is how I kept checking with the Holy Spirit, how I kept praying under my breath as I walked around showrooms, "Help me". When I narrowed my choices down it was in consultation with God.  

When Gideon in Judges 6 was approached by the angel and told that He is a mighty man of valor; kept on asking for confirmations and confirmations of confirmations. The same with Abraham's servant, when Eliezer was sent to find a wife for Isaac, he asked God for a sign to know when he would meet the right wife. Genesis 24: 3-4 

Answers are always there in life for every area of need; however, what matters is what you fix your eyes on. It is believing that there are answers and they are good and favorable answers. Jeremiah 29: 11 reminds us that God a plans for us. Good plans. 

Alternatively, negative, harmful answers are there in abundance. As I searched for my car, I knew well in the back of my mind that there are unsavory characters out there waiting to take a woman like me for a ride. The world is not perfect, the wicked are among us and will always be there.   

What we can change, however is where we fix our gaze. Psalm 121: 1 The psalmist talks about lifting up our eyes to the hills and know that our help comes from the Lord. With that said, shift your gaze. Rather than a reading every accident, robbery and corruption report; shift the gaze to the one who holds the future, the one who knows all things. The giver of peace. 

Instead of gazing on the pain and injustices of the past, how about you focus on the One who can go back into your past and rewrite it because He exists outside of time. So, next time you open a social media page or have a conversation by the water cooler at the office, check your specifications. Does what you open yourself up to help you narrow it down to answers or does it open the flood gates of unrelated, untrue offers? 

How do you narrow it down- Scripture has a word for every area of your life. When you have attached The Word to anything, it becomes easier to notice when you are being taken for a ride. For that to work you must hold your ground. Fix your gaze.

ERF and Title deeds

One of the most rewarding events in one's life has to be the day they pay off the property and receive the title deed of the property in their name. The pride, the satisfaction and, might I add, relief! Purchasing a home is one of the biggest expenses in an adult's life.  Interestingly, the homeowner's joy and pride does not wait for the title deed. Most people start celebrating home ownership the day the bank approves the home loan to mortgage the house. The erf number demarcates the allotted plot from that of the neighbours and serves as an address where the owner will be found if needed. Most importantly it is on this ERF number that the owner gets to exercise their authority.  To wake up one day and find a neighbour planting trees on this plot would be deemed trespassing with consequences. Similarly, it would leave a bad taste in your mouth if your neighbour built a wall that extends beyond the set boundary, it would reduce the size of your plot. 

If we were to think of the plot as our life, we can draw critical lessons about boundaries in life. For starters boundaries are there to create a clear distinction between individuals. The importance of boundaries cannot be over emphasised. Boundaries are set around things of value. The higher the value, the stronger the material used to create the boundaries. Think about the City of Jericho in 6, that was a secure estate of the highest calibre. More than the strong walls, there were watchmen and gateman, not forgetting the king's informant Rahab. Fear of Israel and what happened in Egypt drove the King of Jericho to leave no stone unturned in protecting his territory against the conquerors of Israel. 

What are the things in our lives that need protecting? Well for starters, our life itself needs protecting.  Our name, our reputation, our resources and our futures. Today, however, I want to focus on protecting our light. The day we are born again, is a day of great joy. It's the day we receive the bond approval from the bank to go ahead and acquire the home of our dreams in a 24 hour secure estate. Our bond instalments are the gratitude for the great gift of righteousness. We get access to amenities, privileges of being children of God and are accepted in the beloved. As we work toward the day we receive the title deed and handshake from the bank manager as He says, "Well done, good and faithful servant" we have to protect our relationship with the bank or starters. We have to show with the monthly payment. We have to maintain the property so it maintains its value, maybe even increase it. 

If we compromise on the security of the property, it can compromise even within the estate. It was Rahab that the led the spies into Jericho because the King was not aware of the deepest hurt. Things like unaddressed hurts and unhealed wounds cause damage. You see boundaries prevent damage and compromise to property from things inside and outside the property. Should the king have known Rachel well enough, to know her heart, He would have known how easily her loyalty could be swayed. 

Here are a number of ways to ensure healthy boundaries to protect your light:

1.Be sober minded. 1 Peter 5:8 -9a Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith. 

2. Focus on finishing well. James 1: 12 Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.

If music be the food of life, play on

 

Like movies, different facets of my life have different theme songs. I wake to and sometimes sleep to worship music. Sometimes a particular mood, filters into the rest of the day as I go about my tasks. Some days I have such a beautiful time with the Lord that I do not want the feeling to end. Therefore, in the quest to hold on to the atmosphere of holiness, I play worship music throughout the day and make a consistent effort to plug into the Spirit. This is not always possible, in fact, on a day like this, phone calls, work demands and things, people will contend for attention, and my serene mood soon plummets into exasperation.   My fitness journey was no different. I had to fight and conquer myself just to get up and go. I soon discovered that pairing a difficult task with an enjoyable one, turns to trick the brain into believing all is fun. As such, gym time became party time with a fitting play list characterized by what my son terms “the olden days” music, such as my favorite kwaito beats by TKZEE, Bongo Muffin, some reggae renditions by Chaka Demus and Pliers, some Black-eyed Peas and Idia Arie. These songs are a perfect vehicle to travel down memory lane that evokes reflections on the times and seasons. Sometimes I reminisce about the exact time and place I was when a particular song played. I remember whom I was with; what I wore and the occasion. Sometimes I remember the season, TZEE’S Mambontjie reminds me of my matric year and my friends Mpho and Tumi. That memory makes me laugh every single time, and I always cheerfully indulge it.  Indeed “if music be the food of life, play on”.  Life without music resembles a white canvas painted with white paint. Plain.

Hence, one of the worst things that can happen to me on a long drive is to be without my choice music. This happened recently on my drive from Magalies, my phone died, and I did not have a charger, so I grudgingly tuned into Saturday afternoon radio. The particular radio station I listened to interviewed DJ Ganyani. The interview was rather awe-inspiring. I discovered that I enjoyed his music quite a lot; however, I did not know it was his music. I made a mental note to add this music to my list of favs next time I get into the party mode. This opportunity occurred a few of weeks later, when I was on an hour drive on my own from outside Pretoria. It being a Saturday afternoon, driving from a funeral, this was perfect moment to play DJ Ganyani to shake off the funeral vibes. You see, the thing about Youtube music, it does not care what your new favorite thing is. Before taking off, I selected the song I wanted to listen to, three songs into the playlist, just as things were warming up, Sinach came blasting through the speakers. I love Sinach a lot, but on this particular day, I wanted to just vibe to some house music.

The makings of social media algorithm are such that, one is always presented with the content that is consistent with their regular consumption. A lot like our thoughts really. After all, as a man thinketh in his mind so is he. Our minds form their own algorithms according to the habits we form and thoughts we chose to engage. I, for one, am obsessed with the joyful mood my party moments get me into combined with the endorphins brought about by exercise. I am deliberate and intentional about creating this environment of joy.

Nevertheless, this past week, my church embarked on a fast with the instruction to only praise and thank God for the 7 days. This truly challenged my personal prayer algorithm. I discovered that, because we were not to ask God for anything, I became aware of just how much time I spend asking God for things. My algorithm is adept to confess, ask, cast, bind and loose. I could never have been prepared for the events of the past week. I had to stop myself, though I may have slipped up a few times. Praise and worship, however, unlike my party music, does not trick the brain. It actually transforms one. Praise and worship affect the worshipper, affect God and affect demons. I am a testimony of the affected worshipper, having received a tremendous and unexpected deliverance. God answered prayers, I had no idea how to pray nor the knowledge they needed praying.

So, tomorrow when Ps Nathaniel Bassie’s Imela follows straight after Khawuleza by Hugh Masekela. I will not complain, nor will I see it as an interruption. I will happily vibe to the Holy Spirit. I will bow down and worship him without fear or favor because He keeps on doing great things.  In fact, I will worry if the color of worship does not show up on my music canvas.

Neat closets for world peace

A peak in someone's closet can tell you so much about them. One of the revelations I had during hard lockdown in 2020 is that I did not own near enough lounging clothes. I realised, with the need to be home with absolutely nowhere to go, that my wardrobe was rather serious and thus not very suitable for lazing around. We look to our closets to organise, store and preserve the lives of our most prized possessions and outfits. Sometimes they are neatly stacked according to purpose and occasion, sorted by color with work clothes on one side, pants, dress suits and more elaborate occasional evening or traditional wear on the other side.

When the occasion calls, we instinctively know which part of the closet to venture to in  order to honor the invitation. The various occasions of life, the mundane routines, and sometimes shocking and disorientating detours such as the pandemic, inform the way clothes are neatly stacked in our closets and changes that demand to be made. Whether you choose to examine your closet or not,  its life carries on. More clothes are added, more coats and costumes, heavy enough to collapse the rails, less air moving around it.  Sometimes, one is inspired to let go of some items, the ones you bought on an emotional day, the ones that looked better on someone else, the ones that looked better online than they did when the arrived in a package you could hardly wait for. 

I make it a point to examine the contents of my closets at least annually to accomplish  two things: 1. To rid my closets of items I have not used in over 2 years, I normally pass on choice items to a loved one or the needy. 

2. To switch the clothes according to season, to store away winter clothes in summer and the other way round.

During this exercise, I am often confronted with a number of unpleasant truths about myself: 

1. I have not kept the promise I made to myself to loose 2 dress sizes since the last closet overhaul.

2. I am a hoarder, who keeps a lot of things I do not use nor need. 

3. I have not accepted that I am not the same size I was in 2010.

4. I bought similar items of clothing because I forgot about the other as I had no clue what happens in the chaos of my closet. 

Like a closet overhaul, it is of absolute necessity to check in with self on a regular basis. In order to know how you are doing, you need to have an idea of what your overall (neat closet) wellbeing looks like in all areas of your life. Is your closet a functioning mess or a ticking time bomb, one coat away from losing composure? What does it look like to not only survive but thrive in your relationships, your spirituality, your authenticity, career and others. 

Just a like  an unkempt closet, a life is without a deliberate system is overwhelming, uninspiring and confusing. In order for you to show up appropriately garbed for the occasion life calls you to, even if it be another pandemic, (God forbid) you need to be able to reach out and get what you need at a specific juncture. Life sometimes requires that you attack it, sometimes it requires wise and systematic maneuvering or even refraining from taking action. When you have taken the time to honestly evaluate your life, you are able to make appropriate decisions about your life and chart the way forward. You are able to decide on the habits that need establishing and those that need getting rid of.  You are able to pin point areas you have been showing up as someone else, areas you have kept unnecessary burdens and opinions, areas you have ignored valuable traits about you and things yet to be discovered. 

Just as the invitation to any occasion gives an indication of how you need to show up, that is the event theme, you need to know the theme of your life. That theme is consistent with the specific season of your life and your identity. You need to be clear about who you are and where you are. As such, it is not something you concoct simply because it caught your eye whilst scrolling on Instagram, nor is it something you copy from someone else. It is deliberate and specific. The bible in Romans 12v2 TPT says "Stop imitating the ideals and opinions of the culture around you, but be inwardly transformed by the Holy Spirit through a total reformation of how you think. This will empower you to discern God’s will as you live a beautiful life, satisfying and perfect in his eyes." 

Thus, the ultimate goal for the order you create for your life, is for the glory of God. It is not what the next person does, nor is it what worked for them. Whether, you'll revisit and evaluate, your relationships, your financial habits, your fitness goals, my prayer for you is that at the end of it you let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven. (Matt 5:16) NKJV

Stuck between rocks and hard places- How to climb ladders

I thought it was just another invitation to chase the sunrise and catch a beautiful view, or two. Because I consider Saturday my only only day of rest, free from the hum drum of routine, sometimes I sleep in, and other times I step out and about doing fun stuff. When I do give up my treasured Saturday, it is for a worthy cause.

This last Saturday was no different. I heard "Hiking" and I thought why not! No questions asked. I'd been craving the long drive to detangle my thoughts for a while. When I learnt that the venue of the hike was 87 km from home, I thought "Jackpot!". Nothing like the open road, catching the orange rays break free in the horizon, a beautiful playlist and thoughts that have an intro and a conclusion. In my head the day was already full of promise. All wonderful things and off I went. 

The hour and fifteen minute drive did not disappoint. Given the time of day, the road was quiet and open. It was easy to get lost in my imagination. It was truly beautiful to be out of bed, catching the chilly breeze and the crispy fresh air. In that moment I gave thanks to God. I realised that the rhythm of life carried on. On days like these, when I was fully aware and actively part of it, and on the days I decide to stay in bed and read. Life carries on. The sun rises and sets again. Nature puts up a show whether there is an audience to clap or not. 

An hour and fifteen minutes later, I arrived at my destination and when the team was complete, off went on the trail. I learnt we were to do 18 kilometers and not 13. I thought to myself how hard could that be. I had plans to meet up with friends later for brunch. I imagined this new information meant' I would need to move and hour or two around my afternoon plans. What I did not fathom, however, is that. We were literally going to climb that enormous mountain. It was simply unimaginable! Why would anyone want to do that? Was that even a thing to climb a mountain that was not the Drakensburg nor the Kilimanjaro! There were ladders and it was a thing! 

3 km into the hike it became very clear that this would not be an easy mission. The jovial and eager mood was soon replaced by contemplative silence, the ryhtm of our steps and we pushed forward not knowing what lies ahead. One of us would ccassionaly slip on a smaller rock and trigger a small avalanche of rocks to go tumbling down away from the trail. Panting and sweating, we pushed forward. I wondered if 3 km took us almost 3 hours, what did 18 km look like. It became clear to me that, my other plans for day would have to wait.  I was in way over my head but I am not a quitter.   

Or am I? I would be lying if I did not admit that if there was an easy straight forward way out of that hike, I would have taken it. I would be the biggest liar, if I did not admit that the sight of the ladder patched against the steep mountain almost brought me to tears. I admitted at this point that this hike was just to hard and seeing that I had no choice but to see it to the end, I would do it for a good cause. I decided at this point that I would push back the tears and make this count. I would do it afraid. I decided that on the other side of this mountain I will never chicken out of anything that counts to me. If it matters, I would do it. When I don't know how to it, I will figure out a way. I am frustrated, I will calm down and make room for courage to take over. I will do it and I will do it afraid. 

Needless to say, I did afraid. I made it to the top and boy, was the view stunning? Forget the sense of accomplishment and the hope that maybe it could not get worse than this. The truth is we had no idea how mush longer we still had to go and what obstacles lay ahead but in this moment it matters that we overcame this hurdle. 

Our adventure came to an eventful end after 7 harrowing hours characterised by getting lost and tracking the vehicle path. What matters is, we made it down and we were safe. We survived. We acquired life lessons that will be ingrained in our souls forever. I for one, know experience a new level bravery and perspective in my approach to life's challenges. 

I took away from this experience the following 10 lessons:

1. Step out of your comfort zone and see the bright side.

2. Go with the flow.

3. It's ok to make changes along the way.

4. The journey matters as much as the destination.

5. Admit when you are afraid.

6. There's a reason to forge ahead that is bigger than your fear.

7. Do it afraid.

8. Take courage from those who are ahead of you

9. Find answers as you go

10. Keep moving, no matter what!

Wilting flowers of Father’s Day Spring to life.

This past Sunday, being father’s day was a rather peculiar day. I decided I was going to be at a grateful place. I, however, could not have anticipated my parental responsibilities to a daughter who has no idea how to navigate this complex path; I chose not to go down. Rightfully so, because I did not teach her what I have taught myself about such days. The source of my agony is different to hers:

My father died before I was born.

My father did not choose to leave me.

My father is not wondering around some place pretending I do not exist.

I have full control of the narrative that I create regarding my father:

·         I choose to believe he looked forward to meeting me,

·         He would be responsible and emotionally available

·         He would love me.

·         He would protect me

·         He would provide for me.

However, would he? Do I know that he would? Even though I do not know this with certainty, my father’s departure got me well acquainted with abandonment; recognizing its effect on my life and living with it.  I chose not to go down that thorny road because I know it all too well. I have been there, done that and I now chose to come back to myself.  I have learnt that there is nothing down that road for me. I however have decided that, instead of entertaining the thorns, I will plant flowers. You see, I have never met my father and as such; I get to ravage through scraps of other people’s memories, stories I have heard of him and the words in his letters and create the story of Khomotso’s father. This story; is however, decorated by the main story of Khomotso’s life as authored by the Almighty Father. The more I grow, and recognize my purpose and mission in this world, the more I recognize that it is my life featuring the fleeting scene of my father’s passing because in the grand scheme of my life story, it is but a fleeting moment.

How then, do I help my own child deal with her version of abandonment? Hers is not that someone had no choice. Heck; it seems like believe much as I would like to that I have mastered this terrain; I did not anticipate that, when I dragged myself out of the river of desertion, I left behind some casualties.  I rather believed that I had carried her well through the path, and that my love and care was a destruction enough. Perhaps, I did not carry her through it, but chose to avert her discovery of it. I realise now, that carrying her, is not enough – I need to teach her what I know. She too, needs freedom from the bondage living whilst focused on the rear view mirror. I need to help her see herself, not in the reflection what none of us can know with certainty. We do not know the reasons why people do what they do, why they leave, and why they do not chose us.  Perhaps, those responsible will, one day find enough light to shed some.  What we can do in the meantime, is to seek and move towards the light. We can recognize and enjoy the light that is good fatherhood. We can proffer gratitude for love and well-meaning fathers we encounter.

 

 

To my daughter:

I see your longing heart; it beats inside of mine.

What you long for; I have desired the longest.

The tears you cry now, I have cried many nights for you.

I fear, however that your eyes are set on the horizon

Missing the beauty of the landscape carved right in front of you

I fear, that your nose is congested so much

Missing the sweet aroma of flowers planted in your tribute.

 

You see, you my dearest, are the prettiest flower in my garden

I want to claim that it is of my doing

It would be so wrong of me, if I did.

Your father; My father – He has done it.

Whilst I discovered you, He knew you.

 

He created you in love, for love.

You are love.

You are His masterpiece.

You are his treasure.

 

You, my sweetheart, are the landscape.

Carefully molded by our Father for His pleasure.

The sun eagerly awaits, you adjust your slopes towards her warm embrace.

You are the vast ocean of love and hope.

The treasure is within you, anticipates the breaking of the trove

 

 

 

 

What's in a type

I love hydrangeas so much. I admire people who have managed to grow these majestically beautiful flowers. I have attempted to grow them myself, on several occasions. You see, growing up, getting flowers I love, was never a challenge. I'd simply grab a head or two of the drying flower, sprinkle the seeds on a flower bed, water, and voila! Seedlings would pop up in a couple of weeks. Not hydrangeas! 

These flowers humbled me! I started with what I know; having asked someone who had them growing in their garden. They assured me, the dried flower would do it. Months later, the soil had not cracked with an emerging seedling. I proceeded to buy a beautiful potted, already flowering plant and transferred it to the ground, only to sadly watch it die slowly.

I still hope to crack the code on the these magnificent flowers, so I am not giving up. I hit the internet to find out more; and to my shock and horror at first glance the reason for my lack of success struck me before I could even reach the second paragraph of the article on gardenandhome.co.za. One of the first requirements is to plant hydrangeas in the shade, away from the heat of the sun!

Lack of this basic knowledge, among others, really let to my failure! I thought this particular flower is difficult to grow, but, I was growing it under the wrong conditions. In fact, the conditions I created, out right killed it.

Come think of it, we often make the same mistake with relationships. We want the flowers that come with a well cultivated and blooming relationship, but not the work that comes with it. We don't even care to find out if we have conducive conditions to get the best out of the people we are attracted to, or the conditions to kill their spirit while we watch. The only way to find out is to ask the right questions. 

You can be attracted to the most beautiful person and really want to be with them because you believe, you'd look good together, however, have you stopped to ask, what makes them look good on their own? Are going to enhance or diminish or even kill their "beauty"? 

@ExclusivJ put together a resource for intentional talking stages. Questions to ask yourself and questions to ask a potential mate to check compatibility. Here's the link for Questions to ask to get to know someone.

I'll be happy to hear from you in the comments section or to see you on my Khomotso Maele Facebook page. Please like and follow.